Friday, April 18, 2008

Lost Thoughts

My room... seriously looks like a tornado has hit it. No, even worse. It looks like it's been through some natural disaster AND the road runner did a run around. Meep meep.

[Warning: Seriousish stuff ahead. Proceed with caution]
Currently 3AM. I am not going to read this over so excuse the grammatical mistakes.

So I am officially done my Spring 2008 semester. I don't think I'm ever going to take only 3 courses ever again.. well, I can't anyway unless I want to take 6 years to complete this degree. I'm one of those ppl who "slack off" even more when they think they have more time... and yea.. can't say this was my best semester grade-wise.. at all. I've been thinking the past few weeks how much Geography (my current major) isn't for me. Sure, it can be interesting, but I cannot see myself doing anything Geography-related in the future. As much as we're being trained, I still can't really think like a Geographer. There are so many people in my class who look confident and know what they're talking about, what's happening, and how to respond appropriately to the geographical situations... yea. Not me.

I realized I didn't really give university very much thought - I just followed what ppl were doing... Ok - gotta go to university... I have no idea what I want to do in the future, but I'll just do something easy. Ok - I got an A in Geo in Grade 12, I'll just major in Geo. I get to university... ok Physical Geo - just like Gr 12 Geo. I did pretty well in that. Next. What? What's this Human Geography? I never knew such thing existed... ah.. only got a B in that course... what?? There's more? What happened to Physical Geo? Memorizing land forms and the weather? Oh.. yea not so interested in the higher level Physical courses... Let's check out the Human stuff. Social Geo eh? Sounds harmless... eeek got a B-. Maybe I'll give Human another chance with Econ Geo. OK... yea... I learned a bunch of things I'll never remember. Since I'm already halfway finished my Geo, I might as well keep doing it -- and that's why I'm still here but I wanted to do something sort of unexpected of me and different. Joint major in Geography and Business. That's pretty different isn't it? Only SFU has it. Why Business? I have really no idea. I never got higher than a B in any of the courses and I despise anything to do with numbers (xept Calc.. I wouldn't mind doing Calc again) or Econ... I'm only interested in the marketing department because it involves some creativity... and I'm not even sure what that entails!! Oh gosh.. I have to take so many courses I'm not looking forward to at ALL. Managerial Econ... Managerial accounting... oh my goodness... NO. I don't like. But after that, I just have to suffer through Intro to Finance and Data and Decisions II (aka Stats II) and the rest are fine... like Commerical Law, HR, Marketing, and Ethics. 15 courses in general including Geo courses to complete my Joint Major = 2 more years - no courses in the summer.

I sometimes wonder what ppl would think I'd major in just from looking at me. Actually, from my experience, most ppl thought I'd take after my dad (lawyer) and continue his practice. Flattering that they'd think I'd suit the job in a way, but no thanks. He's fine w/ that too. But seriously now... I'm in my 3rd year. I'm 4 or 5 courses away from completing my Geo major, and I still have to get into Business (which isn't looking like it's going to happen anytime soon). I need a backup plan if Business doesn't follow through... but I don't know what! This might add another year onto my university career. Oh well - I'm taking university so slowly anyway... but ah.. all that time... I'd rather be working. Maybe I'll just graduate with a Geo major. Sounds pretty pathetic to me, but hey, a degree is a degree. Plus, I'll be done next Spring! But... what about my exchange to Korea? I'm done all my electives... and if I take 4 courses in the Fall, I'll only need to take 1 more in Korea! But I'm paying for 4 courses worth on my exchange.. no matter what. Sooo I sort of need to either get into Business or find some other degree I might be remotely interested in! I think after Business, my next choice would be ........ yea I really don't know. I sort of don't want just an Arts degree. It just sounds too easy to get... which is true. It is - anyone can get an Arts degree. It's the Kin/Science/Business degrees that look good. That's why I was thinking maybe Kin.. but that involves science which I'm not good at.. and a lot of memorization my brain can't handle. What AM I good at? I'm sure I'm good at something... everyone is. I just haven't found it yet. I might not find out while I'm in university. I'm such an average student. I get so many B's you might as well call me B-b-b-bob. That's right, Bob w/ a stutter. (Gomenasai, it's 3:30AM and I'm trying to write all my thoughts.. and non-thoughts down)

So yea. I'm feeling quite lost. Some people just know what they want to do or they find their passion soon after they enter university. Some make mistakes and try another faculty in their 2nd or 3rd year, but they almost always seem to make the right decision the 2nd year. I'm undecided. I don't really like what I'm doing but I have no idea what I want to do. Sometimes I think I should have gone to BCIT to take some specialized course, but at the same time, I remind myself how lucky I am to take all these electives to acquire a more well-rounded view of the world. Actually, I'm also really grateful Geography has made me much more aware of the different and important issues across the globe I'm sure many, I mean, most full-grown adults wouldn't even know about. Don't ask me to name though - I couldn't tell you right on the spot.

I gotta say I'm feeling even more confused after writing this. I know my options, but I'm not sure which route to choose. I admit all this confusion is mostly a result from pleasing others - not really myself. I'm expected to get a degree in something that's not Arts. Ppl suggest that I just follow my heart... and I'd suggest that to other ppl who were in my situation too, but what? What is my heart saying? Honestly, it's saying that I want to be an event organizer... or flip houses or something of that sort. But what unstable jobs. Even if I think about what I'd do if it was all up to me, I still wouldn't know what I'd really do... because I still want to keep me satisfied with the choices.

I know it shouldn't really be a priority b/c it's a privilege more than anything, but going to Korea for exchange is quite high on the list. I really really really want to go. It's my current, attainable dream. But, this means I gotta take something more than Geography. AH decisions. I'll talk to my academic advisor next week. The best case scenario that would take ALL the worries off would be getting into Business... 'cause then I'd only have to maintain a 2.3 GPA which means smooth sailing for the rest of my career.


Anyway, about some fun stuff -- hung out w/ Japn friends after my exam to eat AYCE Japanese food (did you know Sui Sha Ya is under construction?), games, sticker pics, closed mall-rat activity, BBT, games @ my house. Always an ab work out with them and totally took my mind off my mediocre term.

The Sun Run is in 2 days. Oh My.

Becky and I are picking up our packets tomorrow at the Sun Run fair. Gotta load music onto my mom's ipod for the run... but I need a case suitable for running (!!) Maybe music isn't a good idea but I need some other adrenaline booster that I can't ingest lol. My AA shipment is being shipped to my Uncle's house instead of mine so I'm probably not gonna get my shorts in time for the run. Gosh... I really don't have any other shorts to wear! I was relying on those... 'cause I just wear my PJ shorts when I run on my treadmill at home.
On Sat, I got my 1st Korean class from 10-12 w/ M, a lunch date w/ B @ Lombardos, and shopping... can't make Nevermind @ night 'cause gotta wake up early the next day.
Sunday, like I said, Sun Run + Cemetery w/ family.
Monday, brunch date w/ A and more shopping. Exchange program research for SURE that night.
Tuesday, up at school to talk to Academic Advisor - plan courses... start of Master Cleanse (10 days)
Wed, sign up for driving lessons! Practice Korean.

Have you ever heard of Magibon or MRirian?
She's pretty popular on YouTube. She even has a fan blog. Basically she's this girl who doesn't have a drop of Asian blood in her... but she does her makeup a certain way to look somewhat Japanese (seriously, it's her very crooked teeth that make her look Japanese but you never see it 'cause her mouth is always closed)... but she looks pretty cute in her videos. Thing is, in her videos, all she does is look cute and stare with her huuuge eyes. Sounds scary doesn't it? It can be haha Sometimes she'll say a few phrases in Japanese out of the blue and she sounds pretty authentic 'cause she says it in this cute voice. ka-wa-ii~~
Here's a short 30 second clip of one of her popular home videos. The close-up might haunt me tonight in my dreams. She doesn't say anything in this one.
Anyway, people in Japan found out about her and sent her to Japan to be on this show where she got to meet her idol - some girl from the girl J-pop girl band (w/ a lot of members that fluctuate.. I forgot the term right now.. rotate?) called Morning Musume. SO interesting 'cause when she appeared on the show just looking like her regular self w/out the Japaneseified makeup, she looked quite different and.... not the cute/pretty girl we saw in the videos! Click HERE to see the real her. Makeup does wonders. I watched the Japanese clip - she's also surprisingly not as fluent in Japanese as she made us believe! That's ok though - she learned Japanese through watching dramas, TV shows, and listening to J-Pop.

I write a lot when I'm tired. It's 4:15 AM now. Oyasuminasai.

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